“Last I saw her, her head was on a pike. She looked like she went smiling.”
Mike rifled through the tins, looking for something other than peaches. Who thought peaches were a good survival food? People didn’t even eat peaches when they had a choice of fruit shipped from all over the planet.
“Fuck peaches,” Mike said.
“You think she’ll come back? Like as a zombie?” Jerry asked.
Mike abandoned his search in favour of seeing if a pack of macaroni noodles could be consumed without the obligatory water and heat. He soon found out obligatory meant yes, definitely necessary.
“Her head was on a spike. I don’t think being a zombie would help much.”
“What about Les? She was nice.”
“What does that mean?”
Mike sighed. “It means a big ass building landed on her head.” He looked for a response, but Jerry had vanished. Mike instantly switched into panic mode, slinging the rifle off of his shoulder and scanning the small grocery store.
“Jerry?” He followed the sounds of rummaging. “Jerry? What are you doing?”
“This stuff, it’s worth more than money Mikey! It’s like paper money!”
“It’s toilet paper Jerry. You’re lying on a bed of toilet paper.”
“I feel like a million bucks!”
“I can’t take this anymore,” Mike said, staring down the barrel of his rifle. “Between you and the… well, you and everything else, I just can’t do this anymore Jerry.”
Jerry reclined on his throne, swinging his arms behind his head and smiling like a fool.
“Hey, I know things are bad. But with a little effort, I’m sure we can turn this around,” he said.
“It’s the goddamn Apocalypse, Jerry!”
Prompt originally posted by Paynomind on reddit and received 4 upvotes.